Alright Team!

Here we go!

Today's episode is a story all about me. You'll have to excuse the odd grammatical snafu - searchers CLEARLY pay no attention to my story-writing needs. (Clears throat.) Let's begin.

Pleased to meet you - my name is Mark Nolan.

Evidently, today I must be wearing odd panties. I think those are the kind where one leg-hole doesn't match the other. They're also known as Sims 2 panties. Well, nobody ever accused me of being a fashion tragic, since I'm actually a Romanian truck driver dancing.

My job involves nude pics of Coles Supermarket, Dubbo. Quite often, after work, I'm known to wanking wrap it in tissue no mess.

In my spare time I pretend to be a disabled lady given a mermaid tail. Or if it's a slow day, I often switch to happy religion, and footprints are carved into the floorboards by monk who has prayed at the same spot for 20 years. (Editor's note: This one wins the "longest search string" award for the week.)

Before I go, I must tell you one last snippet about myself. My proudest achievement for the year so far: I am presently the #1 Google result for "gargantuan lactating whale". Now I'll be able to sleep at night.