Just for a taste of something different, I'm going to blog about the things people searched for that led them to my blogs. I had a look at the results for this blog (weird search) and there's nothing new. Boo! But I think Google felt sorry for me because the search results for the other two made up for my disappointment. Among them - "38KKK nipples".
Pardon?
I am ONE HUNDRED PERCENT sure I have never blogged about 38KKK nipples before. In fact, I would have thought it was BUST size, not nipple size, but I digress. Why are people searching for this? They should just enter the search string that would get them results, and that is "gargantuan lactating whale". (I apologise in advance to anyone who actually *is* a size 38KKK nipple since I apparently just called you a gargantuan lactating whale, and you might not actually be breastfeeding. Sorry.)
Additionally this week we have "eggs south pole". Um, sure, I suppose if you are an Antarctic researcher then you occasionally have a yearning for sunny-side-up, and Google is always handy for finding out which nearby shops on Antarctica stock locally-sourced free range.
Someone is searching for "priest panties training bra". Someone else wants "horrific burns groin petrol station" which presumably relates to a recent news story, but do they expect pictures? Seriously? I know that if it were me watching someone with their nether regions on fire, the first thing I would do is grab my trusty Box Brownie and snap away.
Now, putting aside someone looking for "presidential pardons", there are five different combinations looking for Susanka Bersin, including naked, nude, and fake. She's a popular lass. Sorry guys, no naked Susanka Bersin here. I did post about her boob grope and the resulting slap, but she was well and truly clothed.
All of these so far were for Crazy Odd, but looking at No Added Salt was also interesting, for a very different reason. First, we have a new entry: "Jay Leno poopy butt". I'm sorry Jay. I truly am.
And then we have a bunch that seem to be from someone, ahem, "resourceful". I have to list these. I just can't do them justice by describing them one by one.
- cognitive bubble shooter
- one mans blog bubble shooter
- bubble shooter salt
- bubble shooter cognitive
- bubble shooter game one mans blog
- bubble shooter one mans blog
- bubble shooter
- salt bubble shooter
- cognitive games bubble shooter
- one mans blog bubbleshooter
- bubbleshootergame one mans blog
- bubble shooter cognitive games
- bubble shooter "game one" mans blog
That, kids, is called "persistence".
The sad part is that now, if this person tries to search again, my blog is going to come up EVERY SINGLE TIME. Hell is Weird Search Blog.
I had another stroll through the bowels of my referrers today (or, "Where did these people come from?"). A handful of people trickle in here each day; considering I don't promote this place I can hardly complain. Also, in Weird News Today™, randoms are following me on Twitter. I've no idea where they're coming from, or what could be so exciting in my tweets. But in response I'm going to post fewer tweets were I complain about the weather.
Your favourites* are still hanging around. There's apparently no curing some people of their addiction to bat poop, butt paste, snotty sims or boiling urine. But in an exciting new twist* we now have "urine smells like hot dogs". Just HOW close are these people getting to their toilet bowls? And why would that bring them here? (For the record, I have no idea if my urine smells like hot dogs, because I don't make a habit of sniffing it.)
Someone with an odd fetish found me via "japanese panties and pantyhose clips". Someone disturbing via "Australian bushfires hot chicks". Well yes, I should imagine families' injured laying hens would technically be hot chicks. I can only hope that you weren't searching for burned or injured female humans with that string.
Sir Paranoid wants information on "Google Phone Tracking", presumably because he stole a car with a phone in it and is concerned that police might show up in lieu of some hot girls with drugs.
Before I go, I need to include this one because it made me laugh rather than just scratch my head. I know that I used the word lickable in a recent post, and I was totally referring to cool widgets in templates, which are very lickable. And occasionally I will post a pic from Fail Blog since it is funny. But why someone would combine them is beyond me... nor do I really understand how "fail blog lickable" landed them here. If I knew who they were, I'd pass them tissues to cope with the disaster. Oh the humanity.
Gotta run. Someone is "stealing panties from back garden" and I need to go look for them out my back door.
* Or not.
I'll admit it, I never actually expected to discover that people are finding me via nonsense words. I'm now the top search result for "protectrix cowpuncher quickthorn", but that's to be expected, since it was a Googlebomb experiment.
But "dfhla" - now that's another one altogether.
A closer look tells me that this came from a keyboard-mashing incident while I was testing my feed. Google indexed it in the sliver of window before I deleted the post. But hey, let's get into the more interesting shall we?
- perfume plane
- mrs peabody's beach (please note correct use of apostrophe)
- new zealand korean priest bike blog
- salt bubble shooter
- lady chatterfield ( ! ! ! )
- searches like chuck norris
Look. If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times.You do not search for Chuck Norris. He finds you.
Are you in Australia?Is this you?I'd really like to help out, but to be honest, I am not that rich.You know, it's sad and all, but it's not in my street and life goes on.I don't really want to part with my hard earned cash.There's a credit crunch you know? The government will help them.Poor Bushfire people, but I don't want to use my credit card online.I really can't be bothered.Don't feel guilty, do it the easy way that costs you nothing!Coles Supermarkets all over Australia will be donating 100% of their store profits for this Friday, 13th February, 2009. If you don't believe me, check out their website at www.Coles.com.au. All you need to do is do your normal grocery shopping there on Friday instead of a different day or shop. I'll be there and Coles isn't even where I normally buy from. I'll even be there without my car, and taking a taxi to get the stuff home!Please, I rarely ask people to send stuff on, but let everyone know about this. Get into your email now and spread the word, or click the little envelope below to send it from here.Let's turn a Black Friday into a good one.~ Elisacross-posted to um... everywhere
Floating two white columns of 50% transparency over the top of celebrity pic does not a "template" make.
Nor are you hosting "over 100 blog templates" by repeating this exact "design" with 100 different celebrities.
Just had to get that off my chest.
I found a template I like, by a completely different designer, but it has a few teething problems. If you're reading this at stupid o'clock in the morning of the 10th of February, you can see what I mean. There are some page elements turned on that the designer hadn't counted on me using. Please mind the holes in the floor and the dust etc while I iron them out. Do not adjust your screen.
I REALISE that the colour scheme now breaks all the rules of design.
The background is simply an emergency two-minute fix to remove the ghastly pink that was scaring small children (apologies to the original designer). It isn't a permanent thing. It's merely intended to put a few optometrists out of a job for lack of work.
This template is now seriously annoying me. It's embarrassing. I apologise for the over-abundance of pink, and the sheer in-your-face blandness of it all.
We've nearly got to The Moment, folks.
The Moment is when my annoyance overrides my laziness, and I do something about it.
Just now, my interest in a cup of coffee is far outweighing the annoyance factor. However, like a splinter under the fingernail, it continues to irritate, and procrastinating doesn't make it go away.
Mutter.
Today's instalment of weird search features some unusual search string combinations.How novel! ;)First of all, the ones that make sense, since I blogged about something quite similar:- paper shredder Darwin
- intruder panties sausage
- bagpipe funnies
There's a certain, um, satisfaction (?) in seeing those things come up. Or something. But then we have the ones that don't quite make so much sense, or reflect pretty badly on me, or both.- I steal panties
- comet shakes Dubbo (serious? I didn't feel a thing)
- has a weird fascination with snow plows
- hamster in Kuwait
- urine smells like popcorn
- bailey cream on the plane
- boyfriend number 2
- boiled urine smell
Just WHAT were those people trying to find?Do we actually want to know?And who can forget our absolute regular?But seriously. I had to end on a more serious note. Something you might not be aware of. Thanks to Google's Webmaster Tools, here's the news (don't forget you heard it first in Weird Search Blog):cross-posted to No Added Salt
Technically of course, I'm not on dialup. However, my internet plan has a data cap, and once I reach that limit, I am shaped to 28K speed until the end of my billing cycle.
You can appreciate that I'm overjoyed at this. $#@$@&!#%@ kids %@&#$*!*
There are ways around it of course. You know, like calling Mr ISP and crossing his palm with silver. Regrettably, I love money, and don't have enough of it to be upgrading myself to the point where my monthly access cost would feed a small African nation. If I did, I'd be cruising the streets in my brand new black Prius and handing out autographed souvenirs before retiring to my ecological mansion complete with servants, swimming pool and orchard.
I can dream, can't I? Besides, being rich probably wouldn't make me happy. My dad has been fanatically saving every penny since nineteen yickety two, but hey, you can't take it with you.
In the meantime I have Coca Cola :D
Disclaimer: I am not paid to tell you that I'm drinking Coke.
Drats.
Strange Things Are Afoot At The Circle-K, in the words of Ted Theodore Logan.
While queueing a post about a ninja and searching for an accompanying image, I discovered that all Google's search results for "ninja" had the warning: "This Site May Harm Your Computer". Being an online geekery fanatic, I did what any normal geek does: I jumped into chat with my significant other to see if I was the only one getting this result (aka "have I got a virus?").
No, I did not, since he turned up Disney as another site that was apparently extremely dangerous.
However, I just had to share the best result I found. (Click my screenie below to see what it's all about.) Google will kill you. Google is a ninja that will come after you in your sleep. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
~ Elisa
cross-posted to Crazy Odd News
